When I began the Finding Belonging series, part of my motivation was that I felt a depth of belonging missing in my life. I had friends, but I found myself longing for a more profound and reliable sense of belonging. I wanted to know that I was a part of the tribe— in every cell of my being.    

I first looked toward my relationships for this belonging. I considered whether something was wrong with my connections if I was still needing more. When immediate answers didn’t appear, my longing drove me to deeper inquiry. 

• What is belonging? 
• Where do we find it?
• And what is it, really??

The funny thing about belonging is that the moment you start really looking for it is likely the moment that you won’t actually find it. The search for belonging is actually a search for yourself. Thus, if you search for lasting belonging externally, you’ll likely come up wanting.

What, you say? How is searching for belonging actually searching for myself? I want community! I want friends and family! I want people to like me! 

Perhaps. Perhaps that’s one level of your desire. Take a moment though and ask yourself, why do you want those things? A better way to ask that question is what will it give you when you have community, friends, and lovability?

Ever since I wrote and vulnerably shared my last blog, “What does it mean to feel like you belong?,” I’ve settled into my own belonging in a whole new way. I’ve had a healing! (I say with a playful smile on my face.) I can see now that there is a crucial point about belonging to understand:

Relative belonging vs. Absolute belonging.

The “relative” world is the 3D world of form which allows for duality, individuality, and separation. The relative is characterized by change, contrast, and impermanence. These aspects of the relative world are crucial for us to have our human experience.

I’m thrilled to share that we’ve begun our next series on the topic of Belonging. Do you feel like you belong? Do you belong to your family? To your community? To yourself? For many people, the honest answer to those questions is “no.” 

In modern society, we don’t have a clear tribe. It’s easy to question where or with whom we belong. We can dream about fully accepting ourselves, having amazing family and partner relationships, meeting regularly in-person with our larger community, and activating our life purpose. With all those aspects in place, it seems like we’d find the belonging that we’re looking for, right?

However, there are a couple hang ups. First, how the heck do we create those things?? I’m sure most of us have already tried diligently.

I have a sinking feeling as I begin to write this blog. The shame that arises around health challenges and ongoing illnesses is tough. 

In my 20’s, I had a lot of health challenges. Most of them were centered around digestive issues, irritable bowel syndrome, and an eating disorder. However, as you may know, when digestion is compromised, it causes a lot of other problems as well. I became extremely sensitive to computers and EMFs, which made it impossible for me to work in front of a screen for more than a couple hours at a time. Try getting a job in today’s society when you can’t work in front of a computer! It’s difficult.

At our MeetUps, we’ve learned that while the particular expression of shame is very unique to each person, the sinister nature of the energy remains the same. Shame is here to tell us that we are unworthy, unlovable, and broken. It comes to prevent us from shining our light, expressing our creativity, and connecting to our power.

However, the truth dawns upon us at each gathering like an epiphany that we are not alone. Our shame is not a reliable voice when it says that we should keep hiding because we aren’t enough as we are.

When you sit across from another human being and hear their vulnerabilities, you realize that we are not so different from one another. We see that being human is not about fixing ourselves and having it all together. It’s actually about love.

When you have the courage to turn and face the intense energies under the behaviors, you’ll discover miracles you cannot imagine. Maybe you have some old wounds and traumas that need to be healed. Perhaps you need to learn to stand up for yourself with others and hold firmer boundaries. You may need to learn to love yourself and make some life changes that better honor your soul. There are a million possibilities.

Unfortunately, when you are wrapped up in shame about your behaviors— be it substance abuse, codependent relationships, eating disorders, avoiding intimacy and social connection, or obsessive activities— you aren’t open and creative enough to discover the healing. Shame makes us hide from others and ourselves because we feel unworthy and unloveable. 

How does one stay positive in the midst of life’s ups and downs? How can we habitually handle life in a happy and proactive manner?

Some of these answers may surprise you. Developing a positive relationship with life does not mean suppressing your negative emotions or ignoring difficulties. It means the exact opposite.

Shame would move up through my body as an insidious, dark energy. Rather than investigating the source of it or questioning where this shame came from, I simply believed it. I believed that this shame was telling me the truth. It may have been an ugly truth that I didn’t want to hear (and didn’t want others to know about!), but it seemed to know what was accurate about me in a terrifyingly intimate way. 

On the journey of awakening, our hearts do the masterful work of integrating our nature as both spirit and human. The heart is the great connector of All That Is. When it opens, it allows us to accept the fullness of who we are in this moment.

The starting place is to choose to open your heart and love every part of yourself. Stop avoiding your feelings and notice the sensations in your body. Give up the constant fixing of yourself or waiting for a time in the future when things will be different. The path is to open your heart to what is here now— to who you are now.