Last night, something came up in my personal life that triggered my sense of “not being enough.” Ouch. It’s an uncomfortable and painful feeling. I also know that it’s not just me. I’ve been hearing similar levels of challenge from many of my clients. The collective is on a long stretch right now of not getting many of the joyful, empowering outlets that make us feel “enough.” Between the continuing pandemic and the intense cold streak across the country, many of us are feeling stuck in our homes in a routine that’s not giving a lot of pleasure and expansion.
Of course, the “not enough” feeling is sneaky and comes up in many ways. Perhaps you are busy and active right now, but Covid has given you time to really contemplate your life as a whole. Are you living your purpose? Is your career where you want it to be? Are you choosing the right relationships? Are you making the most of your time on the planet?
Personally, I confronted my pervading feeling of “not enough” with spending about three hours in meditation this morning. I find this human tendency of shame to be both fascinating and mind boggling. It is rarely a quick fix. In fact, it is often a gateway feeling that alerts us to many other emotions and needs that are lying within. Underneath “not enough” is often:
a need to end the self-criticism and practice self-compassion.
grief and genuine sadness that life has not turned out the way that we wanted. We have not become the person that we want to be, and we do not know exactly how to become that person.
anger that you have taken on all this sense of “not enough.” It’s not always yours! Many times, you’ve taken on someone else’s issues, internalized them, and blamed yourself for them.
an authentic and creative nudge from the universe. It’s time to expand in a new way! No need to give into shame. Simply hear that you have a new growth avenue in front of you.
acceptance. Life involves success and failure. Every moment of not feeling worthy is an opportunity to open ourselves to the dynamic nature of being human.
Frequently, it’s all of the above— which is why it sometimes takes three hours in meditation! :)
My offering for you this morning is two-fold. First, if you are struggling right now, know that you are not alone. Many people are feeling a subtle or not so subtle sense of unworthiness. This does not mean that something is wrong with you!! It means you are human.
Second, understand that this is what you signed up for when you incarnated on Earth. Being in a body means that your infinite spirit has chosen to experience physical limitation. You are living the polarity of expansion and contraction— of feeling powerful one day and feeling dumpy the next day. These feelings are not the truth of who you are. They are fleeting, temporal experiences of the physical realm.
Thus, you have no need to avoid or repress any of them! Spend the time in meditation to open to all of it! Sense the call of “not enough” as an avenue to know what is truly underneath this sneaky sensation. I promise that it is a gateway towards greater relationship with yourself and greater awakening to the Truth of who you are.
Also, because I know this is easier said than done, I’ve decided to start a meditation circle in the Spiritually Human MeetUp group. Our next gathering of Dreams, Symbols, and the Subconscious will be our last one for now. People have loved it!! I feel so grateful for the deepening and connection that we found in an online platform. We had a waiting list for every gathering, and the conversations were deep, vulnerable, and powerful. You may see the topic of dreams again in the future, but for now I want the collective to feel supported towards using the pandemic time to effectively go within. Meditation can seem scary or difficult, but it doesn’t need to be with the right support and commitment. We’ll make sure to find the right mix of guided, silent, and somatic meditations. We will also balance using meditation to sit with challenge as well as open up the spontaneous bliss of Being that exists within all of us.
I look forward to seeing you in meditation and for now— remember that you ARE ENOUGH. You are enough because you are here. You are enough because you are continuing to live each day in the vast polarities of being human. You are enough because you are learning to identify with the wholeness that you are, rather than the fleeting rise and fall of enough-ness. You are enough because you already ARE.
Much love,
Kelley