Recently, a number of my clients that I treasure have been expressing a sense of discomfort with their lives. People in their 20s and 30s are feeling like “they aren’t where they should be by now,” while older people are looking back at their lives and wondering if they made the right choices at critical junctures.

Covid has given all of us a lot of time for inner reflection. It’s pushed us into our solitary experience more often where we are reviewing our lives, achievements, failures, and innermost desires. These months of individual reflection can be extremely positive if we remember one crucial component: self-compassion.

Last night, something came up in my personal life that triggered my sense of “not being enough.” Ouch. It’s an uncomfortable and painful feeling. I also know that it’s not just me. I’ve been hearing similar levels of challenge from many of my clients. The collective is on a long stretch right now of not getting many of the joyful, empowering outlets that make us feel “enough.” Between the continuing pandemic and the intense cold streak across the country, many of us are feeling stuck in our homes in a routine that’s not giving a lot of pleasure and expansion.

Of course, the “not enough” feeling is sneaky and comes up in many ways. Perhaps you are busy and active right now, but Covid has given you time to really contemplate your life as a whole. Are you living your purpose? Is your career where you want it to be? Are you choosing the right relationships? Are you making the most of your time on the planet?

At the start of last week, I found out that one of my best friends in Boulder named Brad Smith passed away unexpectedly. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Brad had become a stalwart part of my tribe, and we considered one another soul family. On the day I heard the news, I literally spent about four hours crying while calling other mutual friends to let them know. In the following days, the grief became a block of pain in the back of my heart chakra that wasn’t moving. I felt like I was multitasking if I tried to do anything other than self-care because I was always so aware of the grief.

Happy Holidays! We’ve just about made it through 2020, which is a big accomplishment for everyone. What a year. Like many folks, we decided that Covid provided the perfect opportunity to get a dog. I’ve wanted a dog for years, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with our rescue from the Boulder Humane Society. It’s been almost two months with Kody, and we’ve already had more adventures together than I can count.

This morning, I was out the door at 6:45 am to hike a nearby open space so that we could both get our morning exercise. As I was hiking, I had the thought that getting a dog has really cut into my morning sitting meditation time. I noticed a flash of guilt. Darn! Why does so much of life often feel like a trade off? Bringing in a new beautiful activity can mean less time for other things.

Then, a smile. This is life in the relative isn’t it? This is our experience of being in limited physical bodies, with the tangible boundaries of time and space.

Last night I had a dream that I was giving an overweight person that I know a giant hug. She was struggling with overeating and felt at the end of her rope with what to do about it. I felt so much understanding and compassion for her. I lovingly reassured her that I knew who she was on the inside and that her challenges with food were not really about the food. They were about something else.

When I awoke from the dream, I knew that it wasn’t about this person that I know. It was about me. I had a weird day with food yesterday, which hasn’t happened to me in a while. Many of you know that I struggled with eating disorders for years in my late teens and 20s. It was a major rite of passage for me, the daily reminder that I needed to keep evolving and spiritually growing in order to heal. I fully expect that food and body image will always be an indicator light for me. Am I present? Am I directly caring for my emotions rather than dissociating? Am I listening to my Higher Self and making life choices guided by my intuition? Am I in my power and authenticity?

Every night, we spend hours in the mystical world of dreams. We experience the symbols, dramas, joys, and disappointments of an entirely new landscape that emerges from our subconscious. Whether we remember our dreams or not, they are affecting us. They process our stress, assist brain function, and guide us into deep sleep.

Dreams have been utilized to gain self-awareness, obtain guidance, and connect with unseen worlds since the early days of humanity. Indigenous cultures, organized religions, and spiritual paths of all kinds have honored the power of dreams for millennia. Modern psychology also places importance on exploring the symbols and evolution of our dreams. In our fast paced modern world, however, it is very easy to overlook what happens during our sleep. We wake up and look at our phones or head to the gym, immediately guiding the mind into conscious activity.

The purpose of this series of gatherings is to bring value once again to the wisdom of our dreams. When we know we have a group of people to discuss our dreams with, we are more likely to take the time to remember and record our dreams. The process of speaking a dream aloud often awakens us to a meaning of the dream that we did not initially see.

My fiancé and I bought our first home in Boulder, Colorado in June. Yay! We are also getting married on August 29 in an intimate family ceremony, and then spending our honeymoon in the Grand Canyon and Zion National Parks. What a surprise to be celebrating love and union when the outer world seems to be feeding fear and separation. It has taken a deep commitment to myself to trust that it is a worthy pursuit of my time and energy right now to focus on building a home and strong foundation with my partner.

The world feels wild and crazy right now, and at this moment, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get much calmer in the near future. We have a lot to work through as a society and much is being uncovered that requires attention. I notice that many are looking for what their role is in all of it— educate yourself? speak your beliefs? protest? fight the good fight? self-care? focus on your health? use the time for personal projects? hide your head under the sand?

What I know from working with clients is that it is not a ‘one size fits all’ kind of answer. People have been moved in drastically different ways. I encourage each of you to trust your intuition and inspiration during this time of great change.

However, I also know that many of us need reminders about another way to use our life force and derive a sense of purpose: Stillness. Meditation. Presence. Love.

From my ongoing work with clients, I know that people are having vastly different experiences and reactions to COVID. My personal art form is not to make anyone right or wrong, but to allow the deeper collective themes to emerge that are a part of everyone’s experience.

I can tell you that the most important theme I see so far is surrender. We must surrender to whatever fear is arising, surrender to change, and surrender to uncertainty. We can choose to surrender to not knowing what we should do or not do in the coming weeks and months. We can surrender to our own reactions, so that we can inquire more deeply within ourselves.

Almost two years ago, I received a phone call out of the blue from a dear friend who works at Sounds True Publishing She runs the events division, and they needed immediate help with selling the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, which is taught by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. She offered that I could work part time, earn some extra money, and see what it was like to work on the business side of spirituality. As an avid follower of Sounds True for well over ten years, I saw (and still see) this company as the pinnacle of integrity when it comes to disseminating spiritual wisdom. The opportunity was too good to pass up. I put much of my own business on hold in order to take this job and learn as much as I could.

In life, it's very easy to be hard on ourselves. You may sometimes have a cruel inner dialogue, saying things you would never say out loud to another person. Other times, it is a crafty or almost subconscious felt experience of recurring shame and contempt. You may feel as though you have a repetitive undercurrent of thoughts and feelings that tell you that you aren't quite good enough.

This workshop will offer you an alternative to self-judgement: SELF-COMPASSION. So much of the peace that we desire to experience daily can be found by changing the relationship we have with ourselves. Life as a human being will always be imperfect, involving mistakes and "almosts." The inevitable imperfection in life need not cause us suffering if we can learn to change our beliefs and internal paradigm.